I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
