oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
