Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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