I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
