I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
