Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize