She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
