Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize