just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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