seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
