All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
