please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
