Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
