I just made out with a guy for $7.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
