so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So here I am, sexting at work.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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