Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
