Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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