I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
