My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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