Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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