Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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