I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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