let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
