you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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