The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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