I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
