Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
