OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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