You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
