I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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