This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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