I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
