hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
