Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize