I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
