Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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