I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
