someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
