it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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