dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
