there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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