and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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