She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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