she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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