Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
