Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
