letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
