You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this just has baby written all over it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
