I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
