he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just want to make out with him forever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
