the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
