I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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