i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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