Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
