I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
wow bdsm is so cute
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
