Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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