I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize