yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
