just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
