ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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