She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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