I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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