The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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