all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
