you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
