i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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