1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
