dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
