I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
