she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize