I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
