so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
