He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
