forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
