We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
