he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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